Hello there people! Since I spent so much time revamping the old, ugly layout, I might as well take the opportunity to post this little thing, the first chapter of another of my stories, just to give this technical update some content as well. This is going to be a longer story (roughly as long as the running Lone Wolf arc), but with no update schedule. I will pump out chapters for this whenever I get fed up with the CoP storyline and need a little breather. Nevertheless, please have fun reading. Also, comments (and donations :3) are more than welcome, as always. :D
So, let me introduce you...
The Rise of the Pink Badger
Chapter
I: Welcome to the Unlife! Please leave your coat at the counter…
*rustle-rustle*
– No, this isn’t good either…
The
old necromancer’s raspy voice immediately disappeared into the warm spring wind
as his bony fingers kept on digging through the damp soil under his feet. His
darkened fingernails kept on scraping the ground, desperately looking for
something, only stopping for a few moments every now and then, and even then
only to get his long, gray beard out of the way of his work.
He
was at this for more than a few hours at this point, and his job seemed nowhere
near its end. In fact, it was just the opposite, it technically hasn’t even begun.
After all, what’s a necromancer without the dead? However, he was just about to
remedy this sorry situation, or at least he was going to, the moment he was to
find anything to reanimate.
– Damnations! Where are you, little bones!?
For
a moment he was just about to start doubting his sources, but he shook away the
suspicion. His master himself got the information on this old burial ground,
resting place for the invaders that tried to ransack the kingdom more than a
hundred years ago, and in his opinion, they rested long enough… and yet, he was
unable to find even a single trace of them.
– Show yourselves to me!
Suddenly,
as if the ramblings of the old man took effect, his fingertips touched
something hard in the soft soil. The old man’s wrinkly face immediately lit up
like a child’s who just found a new toy to play with.
– Ho-ho-ho! There you are, you little rascal!
You thought you could hide from old Methuzel, eh?
The
old man threw himself into the work with renewed vigor, and in just a few short
minutes, a human skeleton appeared from the ground, dressed in a rust-eaten
iron armor with its golden ornaments scattered around the plate.
– Ah, an officer, eh? Yes, white bones. Those
are good, strong bones. You were an officer in life, you will make a good
officer in the unlife as well. Ku-ku-ku… – The antediluvian expectantly
scrubbed his hands together with the glee of a child as he towered above the
lying pile of bones still embedded into the ground – Yes you are perfect. You
will be the first to rise!
The
old man’s silhouette suddenly flared up with an immense amount of dark power as
he extended his hands towards the lifeless bones at his feet.
– Klatumun Veratis Nicturiam! Rise my childe,
and embrace the eternal unlife under the command of your new master!
The
air around him became heavy with power as his aura of nauseating black magic
seeped into the dark soil and into the very bones of the fallen. Only a few
moments later, the bones suddenly started clattering as they broke free from
the embrace of the earth and started assembling in front of the necromancer in
a haunting storm of dark magical powers.
The
bones were resonating with a low hum as they threw off even the last crumb of
soil from them alongside with the armor and whatever else the dead might have
been wearing when he passed, their ivory matter enveloped in a fine layer of
purplish mist. In the end, the pieces of the grotesque puzzle assembled
themselves into an upstanding form, almost a head taller than the mage himself.
Finally, the purple mist disappeared with a small whoosh, like as if it was
blown away by a sudden gust of wind, leaving the skeleton standing on its own.
However, even at first glance it was easy to tell that it was more than just a
simple collection of bones, not small part thanks to the eerie purple light
emanating from its empty eye-sockets.
– Welcome to the unlife, my childe!
Strangely,
the skeleton weakly shuddered after hearing the old man’s yell, and the light
of his “eyes” faded in and out a few times, as if blinking. In the end, it
turned to the necromancer with a somewhat puzzled look.
– What the fuck…?
– Eh?
The
necromancer’s eyes opened wide after hearing the clear voice coming from the
nonexistent throat of the skeleton, and it took him a few seconds to finally
grasp just what happened.
– You… You are sentient?!
The
skeleton wagged its head in puzzlement and scratched the back of his skull with
his bony hand, seemingly completely oblivious to the situation.
– Where the hell am I? And wha… Wait, what’s
wrong with my hand!?
It
suddenly raised his voice as it finally noticed its condition, for which the
necromancer once again raised his eyebrows.
– You must have been an exceptionally
strong-willed individual in life. Tell me childe, what were you called in your
previous life?
The
skeleton, still in a state of shock, looked up at the old man with the light of
his eye narrowing into a suspicious wince.
– I could ask the same, old man? What the hell
is going on?
– Stay calm, my childe. You are one of the many
who walks behind the veil of life and…
The
skeletons “eyes” narrowed even further as he let out a huge sigh.
– Argh, not another of you mage guys! Why can’t
you talk like normal people!?
– Now, my childe…
– And stop calling me your child you perverted
necrophiliac! You sicken me!
– But you have to listen to me; otherwise you
shall never understand your predicament and shall be doomed to walk the earth
until the end of times without purpose!
The
skeleton raised a brow, though taken that he had no eyebrows to speak of, it
was more of a figure of speech, and raised his voice yet again.
– My predicament, you say? Well, from the looks
of it I guess I died and you turned me into a skeleton, which is kind of a problem,
but otherwise I can’t see why not hearing you out would “doom me to walk the
earth without a purpose”…
–Listen, my childe…
–I just told you not to call me that! My name
is… errr… Rotak! I’m Rotak Apah, leader of all Vikings! Yes. Screw with me, and
you screw with the entire Viking army!
– My childe, your people are all dead.
For a moment, the skeleton froze in mid motion
like he was struck by lightning.
– … Seriously?
The
necromancer enthusiastically nodded and pushed on.
– Your people were beaten back on this very
marsh a hundred years ago and were routed. You have no place to go home to, so…
Just
as he was about to make his offer, Rotak’s suddenly cut him short.
– Wait, you want to tell me that there are no
Vikings in the kingdom?
– No.
– How about “outside” the kingdom?
– None.
– Not a single one?
– No.
– Not even a small one, say, this tall?
The
old necromancer sharply shook his head, and was clearly expecting the skeleton
to shout at him in denial, or at least break down in despair, but instead of
that…
– Wohoo! Awesome! I did it!
– Eh?
To
his greatest bafflement, Rotak suddenly hugged him with an absolutely ecstatic
voice.
– I did it! I totally did it! It’s kind of a
shame that I died in the process, but to hell with that, I did it!
– You… seem awfully unconcerned, my childe…
– Are you kidding, old man?! I’m so happy right
now that I would kiss you if I had lips!
– I… see…
– I can’t believe I… … Wait a second. I have no
lips…?
The
skeleton suddenly let go of the necromancer like he was touching fire, and
looked over himself in utter disbelief.
– Could it be that you just realized your
condition, my childe? You are one of the undead, the…
Before
the necromancer could finish his sentence, his collar was violently grabbed by
Rotak’s bony hands as he shook the old man with all his might.
– Stop spewing that crap old man, I don’t give
a flaming monkeyfuck about that! Where is my junk!?
The
necromancer’s eyes opened wide as he was trying to force an answer out of his
strangled throat.
– Your… junk…?
– My junk! My penis, my dick, my ogre-crusher,
my hyper-weapon, my male genitalia… call it whatever you want, but where the
hell is it…?!
– You… are a skeleton. It’s… gone…
– Gone…?
Suddenly
all the strength left the skeleton’s hands as the necromancer fell from his
grasp and sprawled over the ground. After a few moments of heavy silence, a
roaring, echoing voice left the undead’s nonexistent lungs.
– NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo….!
His
voice kept echoing in the horizon, but it soon faded into the myriad noises of
the morning. The undead man, broken in heart, kept standing there, looking at
the sky with a dejected look in his “eyes”, until a sudden light of inspiration
flared up in them.
– Old man! Where is the closest temple!?
– …
– Old man?
There
was no answer. The necromancer was silent, with his face frozen in a surprised
grimace and his hand grabbing his chest. It took a few seconds for Rotak to
finally understand the situation, and…
– Oh for the love of…! Why the hell did you
decide to have a goddamn heart attack just now!? Couldn’t you wait for a few
minutes, you annoying coot!?
He
reached down and shook the antediluvian, but it was beyond doubt: he was as
dead as a rock. After he made sure of this, Rotak stood up with irritation filling
his voice.
– Just great. I’m undead, I lost my junk and
now even my only lead who could tell me what the hell is going on is dead…
Wonderful.
He
let out a huge sight, or at least acted the part, taken that the lack of lungs
kind of made it impossible for him to exhale, and looked around.
The
field he was standing on was familiar enough. Apparently a lot of time has
passed, but he could still remember the general topography of the area. After
looking around, he quickly recognized the countryside as the battlefield where
his final battle took place, though it was obvious a lot of things have
changes. Still, this was more than enough for him to put together a basic plan.
First
off, he needed to get to a town where they had a big temple, preferably a
cathedral that was dealing with resurrections. He knew it was going to cost him
a fortune, but he was positive that he could still pull a few strings if necessary,
and even if that failed, he had some hidden stashes scattered around the
countryside that could still be used as starting funds.
Thinking
so, he decided on his destination: Marinfort. It was a relatively small town on
the border, it housed a magic academy and was a small trading hub, so even if
the local church couldn’t help him in his unusual bodybuilding quest, he could
probably still catch a caravan to the capital.
Following
this particular train of thought, he also realized that he needed a disguise,
as a skeleton walking around in the city would probably get some unnecessary
attention from the part of the guards, and those guys were an annoyance he
would have rather avoided dealing with. As such, he decided on the most obvious
choice.
– Sorry old man. It’s nothing personal, but
looting your corpse is a necessity. You gave me life, I take your clothes, and
thus the circle of life goes on… or something. – a moment later, a the skeleton
puzzlingly wagged his head – Why am I even talking to a corpse…? Bah.
Rotak
quickly peeled the necromancer’s lifeless body out of his night-black robes in
a businesslike manner and immediately donned them. They were kind of hanging on
his muscle-deficient body, but it was nothing that a few well-placed tucks couldn’t
solve. The old man’s worn-out boots were also a little small, but in the end he
decided they were good for the time being. Other than the clothes, he also
found a few dozen pieces of gold and an old, rusty dagger on the man’s body. It
was scarce even for a starting gear, but it was still better than running
around naked… though in his case, being naked was only embarrassing because
there was nothing to be embarrassed about. After all, his bony body had little
to no need for a fig-leaf at this point.
– Don’t worry my junk, I will get you back! The
ladies would kill me if only I returned and left you behind in the underworld.
After
the somewhat creepy monologue aimed at the nonexistent body-part, the
haphazardly disguised skeleton quickly looked over the horizon and orientated
himself. In case he was right, and why wouldn’t he be, if he was to keep going
straight to the west, he could get to Marinfort in three days at worst. Two if
it were to turn out that skeletons don’t need to sleep. With a clear goal in
his mind, he decided to move out… right after he quickly put the meddling,
half-naked necromancer into an embarrassing position, just before the rigor
mortis started to kick in. As they say, there is no point in (un)life if one
doesn’t try to enjoy its small joys…
– Hehe…
After
having a short chuckle over the deed, he finally started walking. He cut
through the field with a fast-paced stride and soon reached the edge of the
meadow, finding himself on a road. After checking the state of the sun, he
quickly deduced the direction of west and began moving once again. It was
actually quite a strange feeling to walk without muscles, something that
actually made the usually mundane task of following the road just a little bit
less boring.
While
walking, he started experimenting with his calcite body. It soon became apparent
that he was extremely light without all the useless organs and muscles
weighting him down. Speaking of muscles, it seemed like that even though he was
all bones and cartilage, he was actually as strong, if not stronger, than in
his life.
Led
by a sudden idea, he reflexively shook his shoulders and took a starting stance
while looking down a relatively straight section of the road. He focused his
eye-sockets forward, and in a moment’s notice, he suddenly shot out like he was
fired from a bow. In life he was more than proud of his agility, second only to
his manhood, and the drastic weight-reduction left him with some obvious
benefits. He was running faster than he even though was possible, and reached
the finish-line he set up in his mind in the matter of mere seconds.
After
stopping with a screeching halt, he couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of
the situation, not to mention wonder: if skeletons can move like this, how come
he had never seen them running around before? He immediately made a mental note
that, if he would ever make an undead army, he would use the skeletons as
skirmish-troops instead of the traditional cannon fodder. Just imagining the
faces of his would-be enemies after seeing a bunch of bony pikemen outrun their
light cavalry was enough to bring an amused smile to his nonexistent lips.
As
he continued on his route he soon came to a crossroad, only to confirm that
really was going the right way. Still, there was only one little problem.
– …I can’t remember that forest…
The
dark, obviously haunted forest sprawling in front of him was anything but
inviting, with its grotesque’s twisted trees and the fool-smelling wind blowing
through the undergrowth. However, there was one fatal flaw with the ominous
nature of the forest…
– I’m a goddamn skeleton now! This is my
home-turf!
With
that, Rotak boldly entered into the shade of the deadly Black Viper’s Killer
Venom forest. Once under the shades of the leaves, it turned out it actually
wasn’t as creepy of a place as he expected. It was a LOT creepier. As he moved
even further into the woods, the sunlight almost completely disappeared and the
ominous, dark fog became even thicker with each step. The road was relatively
clean, but the forest itself looked like a jungle with scores of barbed vines
covering the ground and the sound of boding menace kept echoing in the darkness
of the untreaded depths and whatnot.
It wasn’t the creepiest forest he had ever
seen, but it was unsettling nevertheless. It only took him a few minutes to
reach another crossroad with an old signpost showing the way to his
destination. Reassured in his direction
he went on to the left. The next few hours were quite boring. After the first
thrills, the forest had proven relatively unthreatening. The sound coming from
the deepest parts might have suggested some monsters lurking in the dark, but
in the end they were way too far to be of concern, not to mention predators
probably wouldn’t find him too appetizing either. The only actual trouble he
had met on his journey this far actually came from the insanely annoying bugs
that were seemingly swarming around him, no doubt thanks to the necromancer’s
clothes.
At
first the buzzing was nothing but a minor nuisance, but after a few hours it
became absolutely infuriating.
– Arhg!
In
a desperate effort the skeleton lashed out at the swirling mass of flies around
him, clapping his hands in order to crush, or at least scare a few of them, and
for his greatest surprise, it actually worked…
– Huh?
For
a few moments, Rotak stood still like he was frozen in place, then he slowly
let his hands down with a baffled expression. As he opened his palms, the
unmistakable glitter of gold hit his eyes, making him more than surprised.
There was a gold coin in his hand that seemingly appeared from thin air. It was
genuine, he could tell that much just be holding it in his hand.
– Where the hell did this come from?
At
first his mind refused to connect the dots, but in the end the hypothesis still
reared its ugly head: did that coin fall out of the dead bug…?
– … Nah, that’s impossible.
He
sharply shook his skull and absentmindedly tucked away the coin into his
pocket, concluding that he must have fallen victim of some juvenile prank where
a student of magic transfigured a gold-coin into a fly or something. After all,
flies dropping gold-coins when dying was just silly…
As
such, the next few hours went on without even the slightest hint of excitement,
not that Rotak actually had a problem with that. In fact, this kind of quiet
journey gave him a lot of time to think about things, mostly about what he
should do and writing up plans for the different “worst-case-scenarios” he
could encounter, from non-resurrection capable priests to the attack of a pack
of hungry dogs. Being prepared was something that saved his life countless times
and it failed him only once, so the ratio was still positive. Thinking about
things like that was a great way to pass the time, however his peaceful
contemplation was just about to be cut short…
*puck*
– Huh?
A
small impact and an even smaller noise made him stop dead on his track and
stare at his chest in mild puzzlement. The tip of an arrow. The rest of it? In
his ribcage.
-… Excuse me?
Someone shot him from behind and the arrow
cleanly made its way through his body without hitting a single bone, with the
tip poking out on the other side. Seeing this, the gears in his head
immediately started spinning.
Someone
shot him. Whoever it was, they hid themselves well enough so that he didn’t
notice them, so he was probably not dealing with ordinary bandits. That, and
the fact that he was under-equipped, left him with no other choice than to
retreat. The only question left hanging was this: which way?
He
could approximately see the direction of his attacker by the trajectory of the
arrow, but that didn’t mean there were no others. Thankfully, this dilemma was
soon answered as an overly loud voice broke the silence of the moment.
– Idiot! I told you it was a skeleton!
– Oopsie.
–Just let’s get on with this…
– …
From
the direction he previously deduced, a small group rose from the undergrowth.
The loud one was a burly, bearded man with a heavy armor and a two-handed axe, while
the archer seemed like a well-endowed brunette. The other two were a silent,
cloaked man and a grumpy mage with a staff. In all honesty, they seemed like an
odd bunch, and not something he would have expected to see. At first he thought
they might be bandits, but the mage amongst their rank made that quite
improbable, and at the same time, he had never seem a military unit like this
either.
After
a few seconds of consideration, he decided to try to converse with them. Sure,
they attacked him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they were
unreasonable. He “was” a walking skeleton after all, so they might have thought
he was just some mindless, wandering monster. As such, he pulled out the arrow
from behind his ribs, which was a ticklish feeling, and took a step towards the
group.
– Excuse me, but…
He
was not even able to finish his sentence when the warrior of the group cried
out, completely overwhelming his voice.
– Holy crap! It talks!
– Ah! Those are necromantic clothes! – The mage
started stroking his beard with an intrigued expression as his eyes lit up with
a cruel gleam – It must be lich!
– A lich? – The cloaked man, who was silent
until this very moment, spoke up with a smooth, almost whispering voice – Those
drop a ton of loot, right?
– Yesss! Thos guys drop coins like it’s
raining! – With her chirping voice joining into the cavalcade, the archer woman
started talking like a tempest while flailing with her arms – Squeee! We can
finally buy that new tiara with this!
– Don’t get over yourself, darling. We have to
beat it first!
Hearing
the warrior’s rebuttal the woman immediately nocked an arrow, prompting Rotak
to stop on his track.
– Whoa people, easy there! We can…
*puck*
– … talk this over…
Another
arrow locked itself between his ribs as the woman suddenly scratched her head.
– Oh, I forgot! Arrows are no good against
skeletons!
– Stop wasting our ammunition and let me show
you how it’s done!
The
woman shrank hearing the mange’s reprimanding words. The man on the other hand
stood forth and with the wave of a hand, he shot a ball of fire at the
dumbfounded skeleton’s way.
– !!!
*boom*
Rotak
barely managed to jump out of the way of the searing projectile, falling by the
side of the road.
– What the fuck is wrong with you people! At
least hear me out!
– Oh no! He must be trying to cast a spell!
Quickly, interrupt him!
*boom*
Yet
another ball of fire hit the place where the skeleton was only a split-second
ago, throwing his light body into the air.
– What is your problem, people!?
– AAAAAARRRGH!!!
Once
again, before he could fully voice his complains, he had to dodge as the
warrior lunged at him while brandishing his huge, double-bladed axe.
– You guys are crazy! Just let me talk!
His
pleas once again fell to deaf ears as he noticed the next ball of fire aiming
at his position. Left with no other choice, he decided he should throw dignity
out the window and threw himself into the undergrowth by the roadside.
– He is trying to get away! After him!
– Our loot! Don’t let it get away!
– Come back! I want that tiara!
The
four threw themselves after the frantically running skeleton, not leaving him
even a moment of breather.
– Oh crap, oh crap, oh craaaap!
Rotak
ran with all his undead might, but the dense foliage and his inappropriate
clothing made it hard for him to move through the woods. Thankfully, the same
was true for his assailants, except for one tiny little detail…
*boom*
…
They could throw fireballs.
– This is crazy! Just what the hell is going on
here!?!?!
Once
again, he got no answers for his question as another arrow hit him square in
the back. Sure, they caused no real damage, but the volleys still made him
stagger and it was harder to move while being turned into a pincushion.
No
matter how hard he was trying to shake his pursuers off, they were at his heel
like rabid dogs, chasing him through the shady forest for several minutes. And
just like that, when he though things couldn’t get any worse.
– Wha…!?
*bump*
– ???
He
bumped into something. Something big, brown and angry.
*GROWL*
– Oh craaap! You’ve got to be kidding me!!!
A
more than ten feet tall brown bear, and it was quite angry at the person who
woke him from its slumber… the person who happened to be Rotak.
…
As
such, this tale has came to a premature end, as the frail skeleton was
sandwiched between the group of raging adventurers and the fifty-hundred pounds
cluster of angry fangs and claws… Or at least it would have been with anyone
else. Rotak, however, was not about to just surrender his newfound unlife that
easily.
– Out of my way you filthy sack of fleas!
He
tried to circle around the raging beast, but it obviously wanted a piece of
him, evident by the fact that it immediately blocked his way and bared its
fangs at him with a deafening roar of primal fury. For a few moments, Rotak
weighted his options. On one hand, he had a group of crazed killing machines,
on the other, he had a single crazed killing machine.
As
such, foolish as it might have seemed, he stood up against the bear and looked
it deep in the eye.
– Out. Of. My. Way.
The
bear didn’t answer… not that it could on the first place, though that would
have been funny on its own way. After the long, meaningful silence between the
two, the bear raised its paws, ready to smash Rotak to pieces. What followed
after that had more to do with instinct than with actual thought.
– Waaaah!
Rotak
reflexively raised his left hand, and at the same time, lashed out with his
right. It was a basic punch with no technique or experience behind it, just the
simple, bony fist of a brawler. And yet…
*gruuuu?*
Rotak was the most surprised when he
heard the hilariously surprised groan of the bear as his fistbones dug into its
skull. The bear recoiled like it was hit by a sledgehammer, then after a few
moments of staggering, it fell on its back with an earthshaking impact.
– … What the hell just happened…?
The
bear sprawled out in front of him, dead like a rock, and he couldn’t help but
stare at his bony wrist in disbelief. However, this was not the end of the
surprises that be bear held for him…
*clang*
With
a strange, metallic noise, the bear’s side suddenly burst open with a small
mountain of gold coins flowing out of it.
– …What?
He
had a hard time believing his eyes, but there was no question about it. There
was a chest’s worth of gold coins on the ground in front of him, and they most
certainly fell out of the bear’s dead carcass. No matter how he looked at it,
it was way more than what the bear could have ever eaten, a moderate fortune
out of nowhere.
– Just what the hell happened with this world
while I was dead?!
*rustle*
However,
there was no time for him to be shocked, as he could already hear the footsteps
of his pursuers. A such, he immediately took off, leaving the baffling scene
behind in a haste.
For
a few more minutes, he kept on running through the undergrowth, listening to
any traces of his assailants, but in the end he could hear nothing. Still, that
was not reassuring him at all, as he kept on rushing through the woods with all
his might for at least one more hour before he would finally stop.
As
he did that, he finally realized just how great of a trouble he got into.
Because of the attackers, now he was completely lost in the forest. In fact, he
had no idea which way he was running all this time either. The dense greenery
made it hard for him to tell the time, and even if he were to re-orientate
himself again, he didn’t know just how far away he was from the road.
– *sigh* God dammit!
After
looking around for a moment, Rotak soon found a small clearing nearby, with a
fallen tree in the middle. He promptly walked over and took a seat on the trunk
to get a breather. Sure, his body was tireless, but the mental fatigue was just
about to overwhelm him.
– Hello?
Just
as he was about to stand back up again and start spinning a new plan, an
unfamiliar voice hit his nonexistent ears.
– Huh?
He
hastily looked around, still on guard after his previous encounter, but no
matter where he looked, he couldn’t see a soul. After a few seconds of awkward
silence the voice spoke up once again.
– Here! Up here!
Raising
his gaze, Rotak finally found the owner of the voice. On one of the thicker
branches of a nearby tree sat a stunning young woman, clocking somewhere in her
early twenties. Just by looking at her, he could feel how the void in his
chest, left behind by his missing anatomical component, intensified a thousand
fold in the blink of an eye. She was tall and well-endowed, her beautiful face
further emphasized by her long, flowing red hair, held into a tidy ponytail.
Her clothes were plain, yet their design seemed to show just enough skin to
raise the onlooker’s interest.
The
woman looked at him with curious eyes and a bright, almost sparkling smile.
– Hi there Bearpuncher!
– Bearpuncher?
The
woman playfully giggled at the skeleton’s question as she dropped down from the
tree right in front of him. She seemed completely oblivious to him being an
undead, or at least she didn’t care one bit as she started talking while vigorously
gesturing.
– I saw it all! It was so awesome! I was just
passing by and stopped by to see what was going on, and the bear was, like, this
huge and was all over you, and you just BAM! Hit him square in the jaw! I could
almost hear it saying “Wut?”! *giggle* It was sooo funny!
– …
Rotak
was completely taken aback by the woman’s cheerful enthusiasm. Still, he tried
his best to keep his characteristic cool.
– That still doesn’t give you the right to call
me like that, miss…?
As
if she just noticed where she was, the girl lightly hit her own forehead.
– Ah, yes! How rude of me! My name is Deborah,
class “A” succubus, at your service.
– Succubus? – Once again, Rotak had to raise
his nonexistent eyebrow at the woman’s claim – Seriously? You don’t look like
one.
– You don’t look like a bearpuncher either.
For
a moment, he was trying to find a good rebuttal, but in the end he realized
that getting pulled into the cheerful woman’s pace was a bad idea. He wasn’t
really outraged about the girl being a lesser demon, he actually had some “fun”
with a few of her kind when he was actually alive. Not to mention he had little
right to complain, being a walking abomination of unlife and all.
– Touché. – He answered with a somewhat serious
tone and cleared his missing vocal chords – Pleased to meet you. My name is
Rotak Apah.
– Pleased to meet you!
The
girl extended her hand for a handshake, for which Rotak also raised his hand,
albeit somewhat reluctantly. As they shook hands, the woman’s face lighted up
even more.
–Can I still call you Bearpuncher?
– What? Why?
– I think it sounds cool!
– *sigh* Sure, whatever. I have been called by
more embarrassing names, so I’m fine with it.
– Yay!
In
the end, Rotak had to conclude that keeping himself from falling into her pace
could be harder than he first thought.
– By the way… – After finally finding someone
he could talk to, the skeleton decided to get as much information out of her as
possible, so he tried to gradually bring the discussion into more serious
waters – May I ask what a succubus is doing in this forest?
– Ah, you know… Just seducing travelers that
come by, stealing their money and soul, turning them into household slaves...
the usual succubus business. – The woman seemed surprisingly nonchalant about
the issue, but Rotak couldn’t help but be amazed at how laidback she was – But
if we are at that, what are you doing here?
– Me? – With the question thrown back at him, Rotak
took a moment to carefully choose his words – I’m just passing through here to
get to Marinfort.
– Why?
– To get resurrected.
– Huh?
Deborah
skeptically wagged her head, confusing the skeleton yet again.
– What is it? Did I say something weird?
– No, I just never thought you had the money to
do that? One billion gold is quite a lot.
– … – Rotak suddenly froze like he was hit by
lightning, and the light in his eyes blinked out a few times in shock – Excuse
me, but did you say… one billion?
– Yeah? Why, you didn’t know?
Rotak
shook his head in denial as he answered.
– No! I just got reanimated a few hours ago!
What the hell is going on!?
– Oh…! – The woman knowingly nodded – I think I
know what’s the problem here! Just how long have you been dead?
– Roughly a hundred years. Why?
– Oh, I see. Well, you have a lot to catch up
on then. – Debora casually nodded yet again, irritating the skeleton to no end,
and leisurely sat down onto the trunk he was sitting on earlier – You see,
around ninety years ago, that’s roughly ten years after your time, there was
this crazy alchemist called Zasimov or Zosima or something.
– Zosimos?
– Ah yes, that one! Did you know him?
Rotak
would have been lying if he said he didn’t, so he nodded. He actually met him
in person a few times. He was the king’s court alchemist and a bit of an odd
fellow, but he had no idea what he had to do with the discussion. Still, the
woman continued on with her explanation with unwavering enthusiasm.
– You see, that guy actually created the Philosopher’s
Stone.
– Wait, wait. I think I start to see where this
is going… He made gold, and that pushed the prices into the sky, right?
– Nah-ah. – The woman lightly shook her head
and continued with a playful smile – Close, but no cigar. He actually made
monsters and animals drop gold when they die.
After
a few awkward moments filled with the sound of crickets chirping, the only
words that came out of the skeleton’s mouth were:
– … That’s just… dumb.
– Hey, tell me about it. – Debora lightly
shrugged her shoulders at Rotak’s reply – That alchemist guy was kind of nuts.
They say he actually did it to help people. You know, giving gold to the poor
by filling their animals with it and everything…
– Are you serious?
– Yup!
The
woman smiled at him yet again, but Rotak was way too dumbfounded to care about
it, no matter how pretty it was.
– That’s just… I don’t even know what to say!
It’s not even crazy, it’s just stupid! Having beasts and monsters turn into
gold coins when they die is a sure-fire way to kill the goddamn economy and
make money worthless! How the hell did he ever think it was a good idea!?
– Hey, don’t ask me! I told you, he was nuts.
The
skeleton also had to sit down, holding his skull in dumbfounded disbelief. Just
by this information, he was confident he could deduce just what happened after
that.
– Cut me off if I’m wrong, but let me see if I
get this… – He sharply turned to the woman, who seemed quite surprised by his
grave voice – Zosimos used the Philosopher’s Stone to somehow change the world…
– Just the kingdom.
– Wha…? – He knew that he was the one who told
her to cut in if he was wrong, but Debora’s cheerful chirping still made him a
little peeved – *sigh* Just the kingdom? That’s even dumber. Whatever. So now
every beast, animal and monster turns into piles of gold like that bear did
back there?
The
woman was thinking for a moment, then enthusiastically nodded.
– Okay, in that case I’m quite sure the most of
the wild animals were hunted to extinction by now.
– Yes, most of them. – Suddenly, it seemed like
the woman though up something, as her eyes lit up with a mischievous fire – Now
that I think about it, that was the first bear I have seen in years! Wow, you
might have actually punched bears into extinction!
– … Whatever.
The
skeleton once again cleared his nonexistent throat before continuing.
– So, wild animals are erased. I guess the
surplus gold had wrecked havoc in the kingdom’s economic state and probably
devalued the coins beyond measure.
– Wow… You are using some difficult words
there. Are you actually clever? You must have been some sort of scholar, right!?
Rotak
couldn’t help but laugh dryly under the woman’s almost childish gaze.
–No, not really. – He waved his hand with a bit
of embarrassment – I was many things in my life, but not a scholar. I just
meddled in politics and economy from time to time.
– Woooow.
Once
again, Deborah’s admiring gaze made him feel somewhat uncomfortable, so he
returned to his previous train of thought.
– *cough* So, as I said, I think after that the
prices skyrocketed, the there was famine because the value of food went out of
proportion, and in the end people ended up forming adventuring parties to kill
monsters and gain easy money. Am I right?
– Wow, you are clever! Yes, you were completely
on the spot!
– Thought so. With this I think I finally understand
what those adventurer guys were after.
– What guys?
– The ones who attacked me. Three men and a
woman.
– Oh! – Once again, the woman’s eyes lit up as
the realization kicked in – Those guys! I saw them looting the bear you knocked
out.
– Really? – The skeleton looked up at her with
a surprised expression and let out a relieved sigh – Good, then I guess they
won’t be following me. They should have their hands full with that pile of
gold.
In response of his words, Deborah nodded with
all her might.
– Yeah, but stealing your loot is still low. I
even wanted to teach them a lesson, but I was more interested in you, so I
decided to follow you instead.
– Really? I’m honored.
For
a moment, the woman raised her brows in front of the surprisingly serious
reaction, and then started giggling uncontrollably.
– *giggle* You are so weird sometimes! – As she
said so, she suddenly jumped to her feet and strolled over to a nearby tree,
then looked back at the skeleton with an amazingly sweet smile –*chuckle* It’s
been such a long time since I had so much fun. You are a really interesting
person.
– I… Thank you, I think.
For
the umpteenth time, Deborah flashed an endearing smile at him, however this
time it did not catch him unprepared. At first he wasn’t quite sure if she was
a succubus or not, but observing her a little more closely resolved the issue.
She might have been a little childish and seemingly innocent, but her small
gestures spoke otherwise. Everything about her movements, from the swaying of
her hips to the way she pushed up her breasts when smiling was honed to catch
the eyes of men and seduce them on the spot. Not him though, he had dealt with
her kind before, so he knew all about these small tricks. And still…
Somehow
Deborah caught his interest, and not because of her looks. Well, to be precise,
not “only” because of her looks. Even though the small clues of seduction were
there, she seemed inexperienced, even clumsy, and Rotak was quite sure that her
bubbly personality was not an act either. In the end, she was strange, both as
a person and as a succubus, and that made him surprisingly intrigued. Who
knows, maybe he would have already skimmed over these details were his junk
back at its place? Maybe it was a strange twist of fate, aimed to make him
realize these things without primal lust clouding his mind?
…
- (Nonono. Just no.)
He
quickly shook the heretical thoughts out of his head and his attention was soon
focused on the woman yet again, whom was just about to say something.
– Are you still planning on going to the city?
Do you have the money for the resurrection?
The
skeleton could feel a different notion in her voice beside the usual curiosity,
but he couldn’t put his finger on it yet. Still, he didn’t make her wait for
the answer.
– Yes and no.
He
stood up and straightened himself as he looked up at the sky. Judging by the
looks of it, they were in the middle of the afternoon. As he concluded that, he
turned back to Deborah.
– I’ll go check in the temple just to be sure. I
will try to talk to the priest to work something out. – Just as he said that, a
question surfaced in his mind – By the way, could you tell me which way I have
to go to get back on the road?
At
first Deborah seemed reluctant for some reason, but in the end she just let out
a small sigh and nodded.
– Okay, I’ll go check.
In
the blink of an eye, two enormous, bat-like wings sprouted from the woman’s
back, dispelling any lingering suspicion about her identity if he even had any,
and she suddenly took onto the sky with a giant gust of wind. She disappeared
behind the curtain of the leaves, then after a few mere seconds she landed back
right at where she was standing before. In a matter of a few fleeting seconds,
her wings disappeared into thin air as she nonchalantly pointed at her left.
– That way.
Rotak
looked over the way she was pointing, but all he could see were trees upon
trees. The road must have been quite far away indeed. He was just about to ask
Deborah about the distance when he noticed the slightly pouty look in her eyes.
– Is there a problem?
– Hm? – She sheepishly raised her eyes like a
kid who was just caught stealing from the cookie-jar and shook her head – No,
nothing. Just…
– Just…?
– I expected more of a reaction.
– Huh?
– I was even trying to show off a little! Was I
really that unimpressive?!
For
a few moments, he had no idea what to say.
– Err… Sorry, I guess. – Rotak haphazardly
apologized, even though he had no idea why – Those were really splendid wings!
– Really?
The
woman’s eyes suddenly opened wide, like a puppy waiting for her praise, forcing
the man to go further.
– Errr… Yes. I‘m just somewhat accustomed to
these kinds of things. It was really great, sorry for not reacting accordingly.
– You are used to succubuses flying?
– No. I mean, not just them, but sights like
that in general. I have seen all manners of things in my life after all.
– Really? Were you a traveler?
– I… wouldn’t necessarily put it that way, but
I have seen my fair share of things. I have been around all parts of this
kingdom and beyond. I have walked the northern wastes, led armies of thousands,
battled demons, vampires and all manners of typical and atypical monsters, and
once I have even beaten a dragon! – For the last part he wanted to add that he
did so in a drinking contest, but he decided that was beside the point.
– Wow! – The woman’s eyes started gleaming again
as Rotak slowly started spiraling into his boastful monologue –Tell me more!
Tell me more!
– Well… I should be on my way, but…
– Pleeeeeaaaase?
– Uh…?
Suddenly,
the woman turned all pleading on him, an expression he was admittedly weak
against when it came from the fairer sex. For a few moments he was hesitating
on what he should do, but after one more look into the expectant eyes of the
woman, he let out a tired sigh and resigned to his fate.
– Fine, fine. I’ll keep you company for a
little while. You helped me out, so this is the least I can do, and it’s not
like I’m in a rush anyway.
As
soon as Rotak sat down, the girl immediately rushed over to his side and
started bombarding him with questions.
– That dragon! Tell me about the dragon! I have
never seen one before! How big was it? Did it spit fire? And did you punch it?
– Haha… –The skeleton couldn’t help but chuckle
at the woman’s almost childish enthusiasm. – Okay, I’m going to tell you the
full story, okay?
In
the end, he had no choice but to stay with the strange succubus for a little
longer, and frankly speaking, he wasn’t that opposed of the idea on the first
place…
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